![\"grief\"](\"https:\/\/bendroth.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/grief-150x150.jpg\")
<\/a>I would like to assert a proposition this morning and see if you agree with me. The proposition is this: most of life is loss, and, paradoxically, gain.\u00a0 When we think of loss we usually think of the loss of someone we love through death.\u00a0 But loss is far more encompassing than death.\u00a0 We lose not only through death, but also by leaving and being left, by changing and letting go and moving on. And our losses include not only our separation and departures from those we love, but our conscious and unconscious losses of romantic dreams, impossible expectations, illusions of freedom and power, illusions of safety–and the loss of our own younger self, the self that thought it always would be unwrinkled and invulnerable and immortal.<\/p>\nJudith Viorst catalogs what she calls “necessary losses” in her book by the same name.\u00a0 We confront these losses when we come face to face with the “inescapable fact,” she writes:<\/p>\n
\u00a0That our mother’s love can never be ours alone; that what hurts us cannot always be kissed and made better; that we will have to accept–in other people and our\u00adselves–the mingling of love with hate, of the good with the bad;\u00a0 that there are flaws in every human connection; that our status on this planet is implacably impermanent; and that we are utterly powerless to offer ourselves or those we love protection–protection from danger and pain, protection from the inroads of time, from the coming of age, from the coming of death; protection from our necessary losses.<\/em><\/p>\n My proposition this morning is that loss is a part of life–universal, unavoidable, inexorable. It is the great irony of life, however, that some of our greatest growth comes by losing and leaving and letting go. We gain by giving up.<\/p>\n This irony is woven into the fabric of life. Jesus knew all about it. Isaiah said of the Messiah that he was a man of sor\u00adrows and well-ac\u00adquainted with grief. “I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies,”<\/em> he said, “It remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds”<\/em> (Jn. 12: 24) \u201cWhoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it”<\/em> (Mk. 8:35).<\/p>\n The Psalmists, too, were people all too familiar with loss and grief and we are for\u00adtunate enough to have a record of their suffer\u00adings be\u00adfore us today. They offer us prayers when we have no words. They speak feelings we aren’t yet able to feel. They give us emotional resources when we are drained.\u00a0 And in them we discover the God of our losses.<\/p>\n Psalm 6 is one of those. This is the first of the seven so-called “penitential Psalms.”<\/em>\u00a0 We are not certain of the histori\u00adcal circum\u00adstances of the Psalm, but it is set close to Psalm 3 which was written when David was on the run from his rebellious son Absalom. This is called a Psalm of peni\u00adtence because David Jesus wept for those who were not<\/em> sorry. “Jerusalem, Jerusalem,”<\/em> he cried, “the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often have I desired to gather your children to\u00adgether as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing!”<\/em> (Mt. 23: 37).\u00a0 While it is not healthy to dwell on our sins, faults, and short\u00adcomings, it is even unhealthier to deny they are there. Blessed are those who mourn over their lost innocence and are sorry for their failings, for they shall be comforted.<\/p>\n Even if we aren’t sure of the historical circumstances of this Psalm, it surely is a description of one who is grieving deeply. David lays all of his raw emotions out before God: “I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping.\u00a0 My eyes waste away because of grief; they grow weak be\u00adcause of all my foes.” <\/em>\u00a0Here is a man who has gone to pieces. Depression and exhaus\u00adtion are his compan\u00adions. In\u00adstead of rousing him to arms, his foes now crush his spirit. He can’t even pray; he just sobs.<\/p>\n All grief comes to us be\u00adcause of loss. David had lost face, his son, his health was fad\u00ading, the glory days of his kingdom were gone, his self-confidence was shot, and his relationship with God was withering.<\/p>\n The shortest and most revealing verse in the bible re\u00adfers to tears. “Jesus wept.”<\/em>\u00a0 When he lost his good friend Lazarus, Jesus wept. Jesus wept that our common enemy death had claimed another. He wept that a worthwhile life ended too soon. He wept because this is not the way things are supposed to be. He wept because it brought him face to face with his own mortality. He wept at how much it hurt.<\/p>\n The Christian Story teaches us that this is a fallen world. The book of Genesis teaches us that we live in \u201cParadise Lost.\u201d We are not exempt from cancer or car accidents or natural disasters. We sin and are sinned against. That\u2019s just the way it is. But the story doesn\u2019t end there: God in Christ died for the sins of the<\/em> world. God took the judgment that was due sin into the divine heart and did not count it against us. I rejoice that no matter what I ever do or ever will do or who I am or ever will be, I am assured of God’s mercy. In the cross I see that God \u201cso loved the world<\/em>\u201d that God will not abandon us to ourselves.<\/p>\n The word of hope is that we do not have a sphinx for a God who stares at us with a pitiless gaze, immune to our suffer\u00ading. We have a God who in Jesus Christ has undergone human life as we undergo it; who knows what it’s like to be sick and tired, hassled and hated; who knows what it’s like to lose a father and a friend; who knows what it’s like to be misunder\u00adstood and misinter\u00adpreted; who knows what it’s like to suffer abuse and mistreatment for doing good.<\/p>\n As you read this Psalm you can’t help but see that its pages are stained with tears. Tears can drive us to God. In the midst of depression, the Psalmist writes, “My tears have been my food day and night.”<\/em>\u00a0 Yet he says, “My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and behold the face of my God?”<\/em> (42: 2-3).\u00a0 And what do we discover when we come to God in our grief? “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your record?”<\/em> (57: 8).\u00a0 Yes they are.\u00a0 And dear David is able to say with the glimmers of faith, forgiveness, and courage, “De\u00adpart from me, all you workers of evil, for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping. The Lord has heard my supplica\u00adtion; the Lord accepts my prayer.”<\/em><\/p>\n Here\u2019s another word of advice take the time to work through loss and. Don\u2019t beat yourself up. Don\u2019t let others guilt trip or shame you with lame advice. \u201cYou aren\u2019t over that yet?\u201d \u201cC\u2019mon, it\u2019s time to move on.\u201d \u201cTime heals all things.\u201d \u201cIt was his time.\u201d \u201cGod moves in a mysterious way.\u201d And blah, blah, blah. These folks mean well, but they sound like Job\u2019s comforters.<\/p>\n As you come to God this morning, come with all your losses, all your griefs, knowing that God has felt them all. Come knowing that nothing can separate you from the love of God which is ours in Christ Jesus. Come knowing that at that Great day of Resurrection there will be no more weeping or sighing.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Psalm 6 and Selected Scripture I would like to assert a proposition this morning and see if you agree with me. The proposition is this: most of life is loss, and, paradoxically, gain.\u00a0 When we think of loss we usually … Continue reading ![\"Grief](\"https:\/\/bendroth.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Grief-2-150x150.jpg\")
<\/a>was sorry for something that he had done. If this is in fact a Psalm written while hiding from his son Absalom, there is good reason why David should feel penitent.\u00a0 Da\u00advid both spoiled and indulged this son so that there was no personal disci\u00adpline in him, but he also neglected him because he was so absorbed in his career as king. When Absalom led a mutiny against his father, David saw the direct consequences of hav\u00ading led an undis\u00adciplined life and raising an unruly son and he was sorry.<\/p>\n![\"Crying\"](\"https:\/\/bendroth.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Crying-150x150.jpg\")
<\/a>What good advice that is for us today. Sometimes the message we get from society is to suck it up, don\u2019t be so emotional, be strong, get over it. Yes, sometimes we do have to suck it up, but in the face of deep, deep loss we should open the tear spigots. Let it out. Soak your pillow. Tears are your body\u2019s release valve for stress, sadness, grief, anxiety, and frustration. Also, you can have tears of joy, say when a child is born or tears of relief when a difficulty has passed. \u201cTear expert\u201d Dr. William Frey says that emotional tears shed stress hormones and other toxins from the body which accumulate during stress. Additional studies also suggest that crying stimulates the production of endorphins, our body\u2019s natural pain killer and \u201cfeel-good\u201d hormones.\u201d So cry. Cry because life isn\u2019t fair. Cry because death is cruel. Cry because it doesn\u2019t make any sense. Cry because God cries with you and can take all of your anguish, anger, and confusion.<\/p>\n![\"light](\"https:\/\/bendroth.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-150x150.jpg\")
<\/a>One modern author lists at least forty-two occasions when we exper\u00adience loss in our lives. Not only the obvious ones like death or divorce, but also the loss of trust in a mar\u00adriage or friend\u00adship, the loss of a role (parent, doc\u00adtor, wife, executive), the loss that comes in moving, the loss of a breast, the loss of faith in something, whether God or dem\u00adocracy brings us to our knees. Leaving home for first grade is a loss for mom and dad as well as the child. Going to college, getting married, having your first child, retiring, are all great losses as well as great gains. For in each of these transitions we have to say good bye to something–a way of life, of being, or doing–that we can never have again. They are heart cries for our true home. Deep inside we know that there should be more than death, separa\u00adtion, loss. Khalil Gibran wise\u00adly said, “When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”<\/em><\/p>\n![\"isaiah-534-carries-griefs-bears-our-sorrows\"](\"https:\/\/bendroth.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/isaiah-534-carries-griefs-bears-our-sorrows-150x150.jpg\")
<\/a>This God suffered the judgment, if you will, of being finite and human. Consequently, this God is the companion of those who suffer.\u00a0 Jesus was victimized that there might be victims no more, for in defiance of all evil and suffering he rose from the dead, as if to say, “No! This is not my will! Your pain is my pain and I will overcome it!” As God stands with sufferers, so should we and do all we can to eliminate unnecessary suffering. “Surely he took up our infirmi\u00adties and carried our sor\u00adrows\u201d (<\/em>Is. 53: 4a).<\/p>\n![\"Tractor](\"https:\/\/bendroth.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Tractor-stuck-in-mud-150x150.jpg\")
<\/a>There was once a boy out plowing in the field when his tractor got stuck in the mud. A farmer came by and saw his predicament. They rocked the tractor, changed gears rapidly from first to reverse while pressing on the gas trying to dislodge it, they used chains and a winch. Nothing worked. The boy was so discouraged he just sat down in the mud. The farmer came by and sat down next to him. The boy asked, \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d The farmer said, \u201cWell if I can\u2019t fix it I might as well sit in the mud with you.\u201d We can\u2019t fix grief or loss for another. The best thing you can do is sit in the mud with them.<\/p>\n