![\"Grandfather](\"https:\/\/bendroth.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Grandfather-and-grandson-150x150.jpg\")
<\/a>When I was growing up my grandfather always let his granddaughters to crawl into his lap, but never his grandsons. He told us that he wanted us to make his so proud that we\u2019d \u201cmake the buttons pop off his vest.\u201d We got the lectures about the need to work hard, tell the truth, respect your parents, and keep your hair cut short. The day of the funeral of my three year old brother Bobby, we were gathered in the living room when he broke down and started to cry. We were all ushered out of the room because the children shouldn\u2019t see their grandfather cry.<\/p>\nHe also had a soft side. Once a year we would have a \u201cGrandpa No Day,\u201d which meant G\u2019pa couldn\u2019t say no to anything we asked him. One year he took my brother, cousin and I to Canobie Lake Park. My grandmother pack a whole loaf of bread of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, a bag of chips, and a box of Devil Dogs (my favorite). There was no limit on what we could eat nor the number of rides we went on.<\/p>\n
My dad was much the same way. He showed little affection accept when we were little and played \u201cpig pile\u201d or did fake wrestling. The way he would show love was by doing things for us\u2014like putting a new muffler on my car when I couldn\u2019t afford it. When he was on his death bed I went up to the ICU room where he was on a ventilator. There was something I had to know before he died. I said, \u201cDad, I know there have been rough times in our relationship and we\u2019ve had our ups and downs, but there\u2019s something I need to know. I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever heard you tell me that you love me. Do you?\u201d And through his ventilator and all the hook ups in that hospital bed he shook his head vigorously, Yes. And that made all the difference.<\/p>\n
Were my father and grandfather mean-spirited, men without feeling, or simply clueless?\u00a0 I don\u2019t think they were any of those things (though maybe the latter), but they were shaped by the culture they were raised in. Once upon a time, it used to be easy. The categories were neat and tidy. Everyone knew their job and their place. Men initiated, women respond\u00aded. Men made the money, women cared for the children. Women nurtured the home and family, men took care of the house and yard. Men were stoic and unemotional, women were sentimental and emotion\u00adal. Men sowed their wild oats, women were chaste. Men were leaders, women were followers. But the rules have changed in the past three to four decades. The categories don’t fit.<\/p>\n
Sociologists estimate that there are as many as 2 million stay-at-home dads in the US right now. And fathers as a whole \u2013 stay-at-home dads or otherwise \u2013 spend almost as much time with their children as mothers do. Men do laundry, cook dinner, buy groceries, and drop the kids off at soccer practice (though in the studies I read women always think their husbands overestimate what they actually do.) Meanwhile, women write legal briefs, run for office, work construction equipment, and direct corporate mergers.<\/p>\n
In spite of these advances there are strong cultural cues, maps, messages, whatev\u00ader you want to call them, that are sent to men and boys in our society today (as well as women). Despite cultural norms, acting like men doesn’t mean being macho, arrogant, overbearing, rude, or harsh. That’s immaturity and, well, sin. Men, Christian men, are to love and serve through controlled strength. The power<\/em> of godly men is shaped through the liberating work of Christ in our hearts and lives.<\/p>\n This morning I want to take a brief look at a father in the Book of Genesis who faced similar pressures that we do, but in an entirely different cultural setting.\u00a0 His name is Jacob.\u00a0 The Bible says that there is nothing new under the sun, and Jacob experienced many of the same tensions that father\u2019s face today.<\/p>\n Sometime later Jacob cheated Esau again, this time out of his inheritance.\u00a0 It was the custom that the older son would receive a double portion of the father\u2019s estate when the father died.\u00a0 So Jacob, with his mother\u2019s help, disguised himself as his older brother and manipulated his blind father into guaranteeing him the inheritance.\u00a0 That would be the equivalent of making someone sign a will under duress today. When Esau learned what had happened, he was furious and he vowed that he would kill his brother when his dad died and then Esau would get it all.\u00a0 So, Jacob fled for his life.<\/p>\n Jacob\u2019s reputation in the land of Canaan was one of a schemer, a con man, somebody not to be trusted.\u00a0 That\u2019s the kind of reputation most fathers want to prevent their children from learning about.\u00a0 Jacob did not have an untarnished reputation, and the sons knew about it. Most of you know some things about your dads that were or are imperfect.\u00a0 Maybe he was prejudiced or greedy or a heavy drinker or a womanizer.\u00a0 Or maybe he was insensitive, a work-a-holic, or had outbursts of anger. When you first discovered those flaws you were disillusioned. But be realistic. There\u2019s no perfect father.\u00a0 I\u2019ll also bet for many of us that was never the whole story. You also remember your dad as kind and compassionate, as the one who went to your sporting events with you or was maybe your coach. He taught you how to change the oil on your car and balance your checkbook. He felt badly for you when you broke up with your first girlfriend. So don\u2019t have an unrealistic standard but a balanced one.<\/p>\n Another tension of being a father is not repeating the shortcomings of your dad<\/strong>, even if your dad was essentially a good and decent person.\u00a0 You\u2019ve heard the clich\u00e9, \u201cLike father, like son.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0 But there are some areas where we might like to do just the opposite of what our fathers did.\u00a0 For example, maybe your father was not a good handler of money and you\u2019ve decided to learn from his mistake and to be more careful in how you spend yours.\u00a0 My dad was never that affectionate around my mother or with his kids.\u00a0 I decided that was something I missed growing up, so I try to show a lot of affection to Peggy and my kids.<\/p>\n Another tension Jacob faced was in providing for his family.\u00a0<\/strong> In an agrarian society, he was the chief breadwinner. In our day, both husbands and wives work and share the load, but dads, for any number of reasons, still feel the pressure to provide an income. God blessed Jacob, and he became rich. Genesis 30: 43 says, \u201cJacob grew exceedingly prosperous and came to own large flocks, and maid-servants and menservants, and camels and donkeys.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0 He promised God that he would give back a tenth of everything he made, and he was generous with his sons.<\/p>\n But famine hit the land, and Jacob became desperate.\u00a0 He had eleven sons and a number of daughters and grandchildren.\u00a0 In fact, the Bible tells us that Jacob felt responsible for the 66 people in his clan.\u00a0 When this severe famine came, he sent his son to Egypt to buy grain so that he could find some way to sustain his family.<\/p>\n That\u2019s a strain that fathers can feel today. With the downsizing of many corporations, new skills being required and technology replacing human labor, there are a lot of dads who live with the constant pressure to try to make ends meet–especially if they are the chief bread winner.\u00a0 For good or for ill, men, perhaps more than women, can draw much of their identity from their work and livelihood.\u00a0 It feels demeaning if we can\u2019t provide for our families with their needs and wants or if our job is at risk.<\/p>\n One of the best ways to help relieve that stress is to be prudent in your spending and to be supportive.\u00a0 If your family is well off financially, express gratitude.\u00a0 Don\u2019t take it for granted, because every dad wants to be a hero in his children\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 But if your father is like most of us and has to struggle to make ends meet, learn to be content with what you have.\u00a0 Tell him thanks for working so hard to take care of you. And occasionally take dad out to eat or to a movie or get him something nice–instead of asking for twenty bucks to go out yourself.<\/p>\n I know there are many exceptions to this where mom is the chief bread winner and dad is quite secure making less or being a stay at home dad. So the same principles can apply to mom and to the whole family: express gratitude, support one another, and spend wisely.<\/p>\n Christian fathers feel an urgency to be a spiritual influence on their children, and that\u2019s good and right. But it\u2019s also hard because we worry about opioids and guns in school, sexting, bullying and youth suicide and all those things that are countering the values we want to impart.\u00a0 We don\u2019t always know how to bless our children and keep them walking<\/p>\n Gary Smalley wrote a book some time ago called The Blessing<\/em> in which he encouraged modern fathers to pass a spiritual blessing on to their children.\u00a0 He said that it\u2019s more than taking them to church or praying with them at meals and bedtime or setting a good example.\u00a0 He talks about five practical ways to pass on a blessing.<\/p>\n Number one Professional golfer Greg Norman had a reputation for intimidating his opponents with his ice-cold stoicism. He learned his hard-nosed tactics from his father. \u201cI used to see my father, getting off of a plane or something, and I\u2019d want to hug him,\u201d he recalled once. \u201cBut he\u2019d only shake my hand.\u201d<\/p>\n After leading the 1996 Master\u2019s golf tournament from the start, Norman blew a six-shot lead in the last round losing to rival Nick Faldo. In a Sports Illustrated<\/em> article about the occasion, Rick Reilly writes,<\/p>\n Now, as Faldo made one last thrust into Norman\u2019s heart with a fifteen-foot birdie putt on the seventy-second hole, the two of them came toward each other, Norman trying to smile, looking for a handshake and finding himself in the warmest embrace instead. As they held that hug, held it even as both of them cried, Norman changed just a little. \u2018I wasn\u2019t crying because I\u2019d lost,\u2019 Norman said the next day. \u2018I\u2019ve lost golf tournaments before. I\u2019ll lose a lot more. I cried because I\u2019d never felt that from another man before. I\u2019ve never had a hug like that in my life.\u2019<\/p>\n Touch your kids.<\/p>\n Second, Smalley says we pass on a blessing through verbal affirmation<\/em>.\u00a0<\/strong> Children long to hear their dads say, \u201cI\u2019m proud of you.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ve done that well.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI love you.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0 One psychologist said the greatest gift we can give to our kids is the knowledge that there is someone who is absolutely nuts about them.<\/p>\n Another sports story. Chicago Tribune columnist Bob Greene once asked Michael Jordan why he wanted his father to be in the stands during a game. Jordan replied, \u201cWhen he\u2019s there, I know I have at least one fan.\u201d Can you imagine? Has any athlete had any more fans than Michael Jordan?\u00a0 Even the great Michael Jordan needs loving, emotional, loyal support from his dad. We all need regular reminders that others are behind us even when we aren\u2019t at our best.<\/p>\n Third, we pass along a blessing by attaching value<\/em>.\u00a0<\/strong> To bless means to honor.\u00a0\u00a0 We honor our children by letting them know that they are valuable to us–they\u2019re the most important people in the world to us.\u00a0 That means we sacrifice time for them.\u00a0 That means we look them in the eye when we talk to them, and we stop and listen to them.\u00a0 We apologize when we\u2019re wrong.\u00a0 We have high standards for them and hold them responsible for their lives.<\/p>\n It is said of Boswell, the famous biographer of Samuel Johnson that he often referred to a special day in his childhood when his father took him fishing. The day was fixed in his mind, and he often reflected upon the many things his father had taught him in the course of their fishing trip together.<\/p>\n After hearing about that particular excursion so often, it occurred to someone that it might be interesting to check the journal Boswell\u2019s father kept to see the incident from a parental perspective. Turning to that date, the reader found this short entry: \u201cGone fishing today with my son; a day wasted.\u201d \u00a0<\/em>What you may think is a day wasted, a child may experience as a life-affirming moment.<\/p>\n The fourth way we pass along a blessing is by picturing a positive future for them<\/em>.\u00a0<\/strong> Jacob pronounced a positive future on Rueben and Judah and Dan and Asher and the others.\u00a0 We can bless our children by attaching high value to their gifts and then picturing for them a positive future.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re really good with people.\u00a0 You\u2019d make a great counselor some day.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cThe way you love animals, you\u2019d be a good veterinarian.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYou want to be a firefighter.\u00a0 That means you\u2019re courageous.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cThe way you love church, you\u2019re going to be a great leader in the church some day.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n The fifth way that Gary Smalley says we bless our children is by an active commitment.\u00a0<\/strong> <\/em>It\u2019s not enough to speak the words.\u00a0 There has to be willingness in the parents to sacrifice for the child, to pray with them and for them, to spend time in helping develop their gifts, to spend money for lessons and for higher education.<\/p>\n Truth be told, many men still find it difficult to do some of those things and to verbalize how they\u2019re feeling and to pass along a blessing.\u00a0 A spouse can sometimes help Dad do that by communicating to the children what he says to you in private and to encourage him to tell them to their face.\u00a0 My dad, for instance, was a home grown Yankee with all the characteristic traits.\u00a0 He found it hard to talk about his feelings, especially with his kids.\u00a0 My brother and I were working on some project together and he said to me, \u201cYou know what Dad said about you last night?\u201d <\/em>\u00a0And I thought, Oh brother, what smart Alec remark might that have been.\u00a0 \u201cHe said, \u2018ya know the thing I love about Norm is that he can take a sack of manure and tell you it smells like a bed of roses.\u2019\u201d<\/em>\u00a0 I never knew my Dad felt that way about me.\u00a0 And I\u2019ve never forgotten that.\u00a0 Dads, tell your kids what they mean to you.<\/p>\n And kids if your dad does something right or if you appreciate something about him, tell him.\u00a0 He\u2019ll act like it\u2019s nothing, but I guarantee you, he\u2019ll remember it the rest of his life.\u00a0 You have no idea how much your father loves you, although it might be difficult to express at times.<\/p>\n So fathers, bless your children. And children bless your fathers. In so doing we will be blessing God. Amen.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Genesis 48: 1-11 and Selected Scripture Sunday, June 19, 2016 Fathers\u2019 Day When I was growing up my grandfather always let his granddaughters to crawl into his lap, but never his grandsons. He told us that he wanted us to … Continue reading ![\"Jacob](\"https:\/\/bendroth.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Jacob-and-Esau-150x150.jpg\")
<\/a> First, there was the reality of Jacob\u2019s imperfection.<\/strong>\u00a0 Jacob did not have a great reputation as a young man.\u00a0 One day in his youth he was out barbecuing some beef tips when his older twin brother, Esau, came in from an unsuccessful hunt, famished. \u00a0The aroma from those tips cooking smelled great to a ravenous hunter, and Esau begged for a plate full.\u00a0 Jacob said, \u201cI\u2019ll give you some, but it will cost you something.\u00a0 Namely, your birthright.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0 Esau said, \u201cWhat good is a birthright if a man dies of starvation?\u201d<\/em>\u00a0 Jacob got his deal, but it was a raw deal.<\/p>\n![\"Joseph](\"https:\/\/bendroth.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Joseph-blessing-his-sons-150x150.jpg\")
<\/a>The greatest challenge Jacob may have faced was that of trying to be a positive influence in his home.<\/strong>\u00a0 Even though Jacob was imperfect, he tried to be a spiritual guide to his family. Even though he was an old man and his sons were grown, Jacob called all twelve of his sons, and he blessed them individually.\u00a0 He said, \u201cRueben, you\u2019re going to excel in power and honor.\u00a0 Judah, your brothers are going to praise you, and your enemies are going to be conquered by you.\u00a0 Dan, you\u2019re going to provide justice to people.\u00a0 Asher, your food is going to be rich.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0 One by one he blessed his children.\u00a0 With all the imperfections in this family, these twelve sons became heads of the twelve tribes of Israel.<\/p>\n![\"Touch\"](\"https:\/\/bendroth.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Touch-150x150.jpg\")
<\/a> is a meaningful touch.<\/em>\u00a0<\/strong> Jacob embraced and kissed and laid his hands on his sons and grandchildren.\u00a0 By giving a hug or a touch or an arm around the shoulder or butterfly kisses or nuggies, we communicate love and a blessing to our kids.\u00a0 We let them know that we like them, that they are valuable, that they are worthy of touching.<\/p>\n![\"Man](\"https:\/\/bendroth.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Positive-future-150x150.jpg\")
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